The two crows that handle my social media let me know that my fears had come to pass: the rats had breached our defenses and entered the house. Fortunately, they just want to cuddle!

Romcoms about squirrels are always better because they believe in a good meet cute…not like those crows that can't even bother to look up from their phones.

Back in my day, we didn’t watch movies of squirrels in trees! We watched movies of crows playing with condoms!

Bobby and his grandfather, George, sat in a darkened theater watching a cute sex-ed film about two squirrels engaging in a mating dance, when George leaned in and exclaimed “sonny, back in my day we watched crows sling condoms at each other in a passionate aerial dance!"

The music swelled while, onscreen, the squirrel couple embraced holding their hard-earned acorn, and it felt like I was the only person in the theater, maybe even the world… until my dad loudly exclaimed, “but what about the crows?!!”

Cynthia was expecting to see The Crow at the theater, but realized in the middle of the movie that she was in the wrong room, and instead was watching Romeo and Squirreliet.