The last thing I remember was waking up in a Taco Bell parking lot wearing a wedding dress and holding a ferret.

The two crows that handle my social media let me know that my fears had come to pass: the rats had breached our defenses and entered the house. Fortunately, they just want to cuddle!

When the random guy fell off the cliff, it created A paradox that led to the destruction of the Earth.

Maybe it was just nerves that made our cat pee on the Belgian waffle buffet, but the LSD-laced catnip may have played a part.

No matter how carefully I worded it, the genie kept refusing my wish to steer the comet into the Earth.

I heard a strange sound outside my tent last night and poked my head outside to find a fox stealing my shoes.

The fireflies danced in tune with the constellations while the corn, still sweaty from the hot day, played host to the critters scurrying about the stalks, busy with their nighttime affairs.

Mother and daughter reached longingly for each other, forever just barely separated by a tauntingly Escherian landscape.

No sooner had he set foot on the bridge than he saw lying right across his path a huge serpent-dragon.

The ditch lillies rose up to conquer the world for one glorious day.

It's the famous New York City subway, but made entirely of paper mache, so it must be art.

Our arms sparkled like the stars in the cloudless sky as we gently swept our arms through the warm water of the bioluminescent bay.

It right when you start showing it off that the bugs come out of the woodwork.

Aaauuuuugh, yelled the kookaburra, seeing the capybara's hand. He lost everything, thanks to a pair of twos.

It's like Forest Bathing, but in an eggplant garden, tended to by silent gnomes.

The girl did not know what to do, and began to weep - and just then, a tiny little man stepped in and asked, "What will you give me if I spin this straw into gold for you?"

One fateful day, Sutro Tower came to life and stalked down the hill to attack the Golden Gate Bridge - just as the newspaper writer had foretold.

I really hate how itchy this wool sweater is. I wish someone would knit me one made out of pig intestines instead.

Wonder is the heaviest element on the periodic table, even a tiny fleck of it stops time.

perhaps in my parental sleepwalk, I'm turning into a fascist technocrat

The morning sun sparkled through the trees onto the placid waters, with only a distant mechanical hum and a wafting unsettling aroma giving a suggestion of the activity taking place below the shining surface.

The micro-surgeons found the troublesome thought in the patient's brain, but it had MANIFESTED.

The new luxury resort catered exclusively to vacationing robots that had taken humans' jobs.

The magician's wand jerked alarmingly, which caused him to look at what was under the table. Well, he noped the hell out of there.

An hulking profile, easily 3 stories and crenellated along the edges, lurked ahead in the miasma of mist and dread — but did it offer refuge or only more misery?

He had an ass like a Mandelbrot Set -- if you looked closely at any part of it, you could see infinite smaller, psychedelically swirling asses. I wiped up my drool with a Menger Sponge.