The Electric Monk hardly knew what to believe anymore.

The lobster-armed friar spiraled about all the possibilities for his future: marriage, storms, dead bees, naked war, the crash of the free market, and maybe even meeting the Flying Spaghetti Monster.

The lobsterman prophesied a spiral of doom for humanity: battered by natural disasters and economic collapse, corrupted by the insidious spread of gay marriage, pastafarianism and vegans who make exceptions for honey, decimated by the Nudist Wars of the 22nd century, only 300 souls would survive to rebuild.

With a calm smile on his face, the bearded lobster told me an incredible and tragic tale of a once-happy land: how natural disasters crashed the economy, leading to gay weddings, veganism and Pastafarianism... and ultimately to war, death and misery.

"Gather around and let me tell you the tale," recollected the bearded sea-creature, "the tale of how gnarly ocean waves and deep base waves encouraged hot gay love for pasta, but at the cost of sending all colorful foods to their graves."

The octopus told the story of the once fertile sea. It yielded a bumper crop of penises that produced macaroni and cheese and a wide variety of produce, but recently all of the produce had died, long to be mourned.